Dealing with Laban

Genesis 24 introduces us to Laban, who was the brother of Rebeckah. From this passage and the ones following we learn a lot about Laban.  The first thing we see is that though he is a brother, he has placed himself in the role of father.  He was the one in charge, he was the one that did all the speaking, he was the one who owned it all, and he was the one with whom the servant had to deal.  Thus the first thing we learn about Laban and people like him is that they usurp the role of father.  They often view those around them as their children; children who are perpetually 7 years old.  As a result they deal out  constant correction and punishment in an attempt to “teach the child a lesson”.  This “father complex” ensures a never ending “father knows best” scenario, where free thinking and asserting one’s mind is viewed as rebellious and out of order.  This complex lead Laban to  feel that he has the right and privilege of being treated as the father; demanding the respect and honor.  In many cases this father complex extends beyond the natural leading the person to view their self as Heavenly Father, and to act as God in the lives of those over whom they exercise authority.  In their own eyes they are omniscient, and thus they know your future and what you should do and what you should not do, where you should go and where you should not go, with whom you should associate and who you should not.  The worse part about this father complex is that failure to follow the leading of the almighty puts you into the realm of condemnation and public stoning.

Another thing one will notice about Laban is that at first meeting he is often welcoming and loving.  Laban will give generously, but rarely without an ulterior motive.  In verse 29 Laban runs out to meet the servant, and in verse 31 offers him and his camels room.  But the reason for this hospitality is found in verse 30.  It was the earring and bracelets, and more specifically the value of them that caused Laban to become so excited. The thought of all the riches he would receive for the hand of Rebekah was the real reason for the hospitality.  When dealing with Laban he is always looking for what he can gain.  This causes him to treat warmly those who can help with his cause, while showing little to no affection for those who do not offer such treasures.  Those that can add talent or skill to the mix are often given special or preferred treatment.  They are taken on special trips or treated to dinners or showered with gifts, but only because he knows he will benefit from them.  We see this again in Genesis 29 that Laban is overjoyed to give his daughter Rachel to Jacob, but only after he exploited him to build his house, and building  his house is always more important than building your house.  

Laban, whose name comes from the root word for brick maker, is always looking for bricks or “building material” that he can use to build his house.  And when he finds those that can benefit him he exploits them to keep them as long as possible.  When the servant of Abraham came to him, he not only desired the treasure from him, but he also wanted to keep his sister; after all she was a brick in his home.  He tried to get the servant to stay for another 10 days, and maybe longer, but the servant desired to leave with Rebekah.  Laban was insistent, but relented only after Rebekah herself expressed the desire to leave.  Laban would not make the same mistake when it came to his own daughter.  When he saw how Jacob desired Rachel he would simply ask Jacob to stay for a while.  Laban kept his new brick on the line for seven years before Jacob no doubt ask about what had been promised.  But Laban, ever the manipulator, would alter the deal by offering Leah instead.  Laban would offer Rachel, but only if he could get seven more years of labor from Jacob.  After all Jacob had caused Laban’s house to be blessed, he could not let him part yet.  There was still so much to gain.  In all, Jacob would give Laban 20 years of service: a long time for someone who intended to stay only for a few days while his brother cooled off.   

Another characteristic of Laban is that he often takes on the victim persona.   Genesis 31.  Laban has no conscious when it comes to manipulating others, but quickly becomes the victim when his plan backfires.  As you begin to prepare to leave his house, he is often offended; after all it was in his house that you prospered.  In his eyes you have taken advantage of him, and his generosity.  It is he that has been wronged.  He starts to look at you differently (Gen 31:2) His joy turns to disdain, and his doting turns to distrust.  He often will not confront you about this change of heart, but instead will pout and sulk.  In Jacob’s case it was three days before Laban realized they were gone, three days without speaking to the one he once welcomed with open arms.  Why the silent treatment?  Because for Laban it is ALWAYS someone else’s fault.  The hurt and the wrong is always perpetrated by someone else, so he mopes waiting for the person he has exploited to come and apologize.  He may even send his sons to point out your alleged wrong (Gen 31:1) .  This is just an extension of the father complex where he demands an apology, or rather repentance, even if you have committed no sin.  It is just another manifestation of his manipulation.

Laban is a user.  He discovers the desire of your heart, and then uses it to manipulate you to do his will.  And understand that his will is to keep you and exploit you as building material to build his house.  Like the children of Israel those who encounter Laban are welcomed in only to become servants, and then slaves to him.  And like Pharaoh he has built his kingdom on the backs of those he has enslaved.  And the last thing he wants to do is let them go.  Even if God himself requires it of his servants, he will not let them go, but instead will harden his heart.  Let’s not forget that it was God who instructed Jacob to leave Laban’s house.  However, any attempt to leave leads to more heavy handedness and a heavier burden.  Thus the only way to deal with Laban is to walk away.  To take your family and leave.  This is what Jacob does.  Without ceremony, without permission, without blessing, he packs up his family and his household and escapes back to his home.   Some will scratch their heads, and wonder what happened.  Others will hear Laban’s lament, and join in Jacob’s condemnation. 

Even in your leaving, Laban will try to do all he can to keep his influence over you.  When Laban learned that they had gone, he chased Jacob in hopes that he might guilt him into coming back.  ALWAYS the victim, Laban accused Jacob.  The charge, “You didn’t leave the right way.” Jacob had tried to sneak out without Laban’s blessing (another way of saying permission), and the only way to make amends was for Jacob to return with him and do it the “right way”, and maybe get his blessing when and if Laban thought it appropriate.  Laban shifts blame off of himself and onto Jacob, in an attempt to make Jacob feel sorry for his decision.  Laban tries to point out that it was Jacob’s fault that he could not bless him, and could not send him off with a celebration and even help ( Gen 31:27).  However from experience, Jacob knew that those promises were empty, and designed only to trap him, and his family, again under Laban’s oppression.  Thus Jacob does the other thing that is necessary when dealing with Laban, he draws a line in the sand.  Dealing with forceful people requires you to be forceful.  You have to make it clear to Laban that you are not coming back, and that you are leaving, and that nothing he says or does is going to change that.  A clean split is the only way to escape Laban.  Allowing any ties to remain will only give him a foothold with which to exploit you.   The separation will be ugly, it always is with Laban.  He will spread falsehoods about you.  If others leave it will be because you have forced them through your lies and deceit (Gen 31:26).  There will be no reasoning with Laban.  He will never be able to see the true reason behind his children wanting to leave his house.  This is the worse part of dealing with Laban, in his eyes he is the perfect father, but in the eyes of his sons and daughters he is a manipulator that they only hope they can one day escape. 

I close with this thought.  Don’t let Laban keep you from going where God has called you to go.  Despite his heavenly father complex, Laban is not God.  He really isn’t even a father, at most he is a brother.  If God has called you, then pack up and leave, and don’t worry about blessing.  Because Laban’s blessing is but dung compared to the blessing that the Heavenly Father is able to give you.  And rest assured that He adds no sorrow to His blessing.  Remember God is your source, He is your provision, not Laban.  God may prosper you in Laban’s house, but even there it is God who prospers you.  After all the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the righteous.  If you ever have to deal with Laban, just trust God.  He will judge both you and Laban, so know your heart and commit to do what God has instructed, and in the end you will find that you will be blessed beyond measure. (Gen 31:53)