Like most circumstances of this nature it begins with a man who sees someone to whom he takes a liking. He then seduces them with attention, with kind words. Once he has drawn them within arms length, the seduction turns to get them even closer. He pulls out the stops to impress them, showering them with gifts, lavish dinners and nights on the town, that is until they decide to give themself to him. At this point he is willing to tell them whatever they want to hear, and give them what it takes to keep them "in his bed", or ministry in this case. And as long as they are willing to give he is not put off by the cost. The problem arises when that someone becomes pregnant. In ministry being treated to such an extravagant life, exposed to some of the world's best ministries, and to some of the best minds in the kingdom is seductive. Sitting in a room with men of faith who have accomplished so much for the kingdom, drinking from the well of knowledge and insight that they pour out is at times intoxicating. All of it heaped upon you with the intention of getting you to give yourself away. To commit yourself to their ministry. However being exposed to such things leads to unwanted consequences. Being around such things often lead to you being impregnated with the seed of ministry.
And when that seed of ministry is planted, and as it grows within you it gets to the point where you can no longer hide the truth of what you are carrying. The pregnancy becomes evident, and you are forced to confess that you too have a dream and vision for your own ministry. Unfortunately for many, the one who had a hand in planting that seed has no desire to be a father. He was just using you to get what he wanted from you. And now that you are pregnant, you are of no use to him. Instead he casts you aside.
All too often fatherless ministries are brought into this world because the fathers that should care for them are absent. They are more concerned with their own game. They are happy being playas, spiritual gigolos, courting as many as they can find that they can use for their ministry. The last thing they want is a ministry to feed, a ministry to raise. As a result their affection turns to indignation. Their love turns to loathing. They stop calling, and eventually they stop caring. They often results to name calling, questioning your faithfulness, accusing you of cheating. The tactic is to abuse you into submission. Make you feel like dirt for what has happened, it is all your fault. But it can all be fixed, and things can go back to the way they were, all you have to do is abort the ministry.
For those who choose life, and decide to carry the ministry to term, it is an emotional road. Often times filled with self doubt, skepticism, and questions of "can I do this alone". But when the time comes it hits unexpectedly, and it will not wait, it will not stop. It comes forth, and father or no father, it is staring you in the face. You are the proud parent of a fatherless ministry. Raising such a minsitry, nurturing it, caring for it will be harder. There will be struggles. And there may even be times when you wish that the father was around. But know this the ministry will live and it will grow, even without a father present. All you can do is try your best to be the best parent you can.
I have chosen not to abort my ministry, but to let it live. I am not willing to kill it, just because the man who impregnated me refused to be a father. Instead I have chosen to continue on as a single parent, raising this ministry in the admonition of Christ, determined that it will not be like its father. I refuse to continue the cycle of dysfunction of dead beat dads, unwilling to be responsible for what they create. Yes, you could say that I have a fatherless ministry. However I guess that is what they may have said about Jesus as well. With no earthly father, born to a maiden out of wedlock, one may have labeled him a bastard as well, but we know that this is far from the truth. Jesus was a miracle, born of a Heavenly Father. That is how I view my ministry as well. It is a miracle, birthed not of man, but by a Heavenly Father. And it too will grow and wax strong in spirit, be filled with wisdom, and the grace of God will be upon it.
This Blog is dedicated to absent fathers everywhere
